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  • Thursday June 07, 2007


    A strange distorted image appeared on to the digital projector in the lecture hall. It was all sun kissed, oranges, reds, and it looked like reflections of a giant fading yellow circle on transient waves on the beach. The image was ghosted and repeated many times horizontally and vertically. Then I saw a small black figure in the shape of a crane, or flamingo, or some other distinct birdlike figure repeated in the same fashion in front of the "sun." I decided it must indeed be a motion picture of a bird at sunset on the beach. The professor confirmed what most of us were probably thinking and proceeded to display another moving image. This one looked like a giant confusing Tetris game, but all of the blocks were the same reddish crimson color, and moved in a confusing digitally pixilated electric quick motion. The professor commented "I'll let you think about that one for a while," without any further explanation and exited the hall while adding "and be sure to study for the upcoming test on Monday," - this being a Wednesday. The next morning I woke up early and headed to the commons for a meager breakfast. I started for the kitchen ware but noticed some dirty thoughts and glances being thrown at me from behind and realized I had to wait in line even to get to the silverware. "This doesn't happen very often" I thought to myself and then commented aloud what all the dirty smug faces were thinking. "Man…if I'd been one of you I would have slapped myself on the backside of the head." I laughed and found my place in line next to an old classmate. "What's the holdup?" I asked. "MAP 37's professor has a bunch of computers and headphones set up for his students." Astounded, as this was my class I had just described to you above, I continued – "What's he showing?" "It's some test preparation guidelines – I guess – all I know is it's making havoc and holding up all the lines. I eventually obtained my tray and silverware and then made my way to a counter where a woman checked my class schedule on a computer to see if I was indeed enrolled in the (MAP) Media Arts and Psychology class causing all the ruckus. She nodded and I followed her to a computer and she left me there with a chair and my silverware laden tray. On the screen it read – "Please do not show this video, talk about it, or in any way disseminate its contents. A good deal of work has gone into making this final product and it is especially for YOU only." I clicked "ok" and watched a small video screen appear on the monitor. It was my professor standing in a large theater most likely recorded a few years ago when the MAP program first began. I listened to the audio that streamed out of the old box into the dusty headphones. My professor's voice reverberated and rose forcefully above all the chatter in the large speech hall. "Good morning everyone. I want to give you some advice, and I want you to write it down because I'm going to tell you all of this ONE TIME ONLY." I could hear a loud purposeful echo arise in the auditorium and repeat a number of times as he enunciated the words pedantically "one time only." The crowd guffawed and laughed at the contradiction. "As you all know I'm a fan of illusions. I'll never forget when I met a man on the street who was performing the 'five of hearts' trick. He gave me a pack of cards and instructed me to remove the five of hearts. I'd keep the card in my hand he'd take the deck, cut it, and then remove the top card from one of the piles.. He'd turn the card over and it would ALWAYS be the five of hearts. Then, I'd look in my hand to view my card and it would always turn out to be the 'eight of spades.' He performed this trick for me a good five times until I finally demanded to know how it was done, at any cost. Well, he gazed at me fixedly, and I'll never forget what he said next. 'Kid, I'll show you this card trick as many times as you want, but no matter how many times I do, I can never force you to learn exactly how it is done." Well for a few days I pondered over how the trick might be done and unsuccessfully tested it on my friends until I gave up and forgot all about it until now. My mother once told me – she wanted me to be a thoughtful child – 'if you're going to do something, think about it for sixteen hours, and THEN make the decision to do it or not. I followed this advice for many years thinking that it gave me great thoughtfulness, patience, and cleverness. This could not be further from the truth. As I would sit down…" The professor leaned against one of the beams on the stage as though we were relaxing in a chair. "to write lecture notes or research papers I'd write – think about it – then rewrite – and then rewrite …" He scribbles on imaginary paper and the crowd lets out a slight laugh. "Until all I did was think about what I should say INSTEAD of THIS, or INSTEAD of THAT. So let me stop wasting your time and tell you something that is true. There are two types of people in this world. The people that do, and the people that watch. The happy people do, the spectators watch. By doing you are learning, and being happy. If you need to do something, do it, don't even wait five minutes, and get up and do it now. It is just as easy to sit on the couch and worry about doing something as it is to actually get up and go do it. Waiting will only make you wait longer, but doing it, will lead you to mistakes and successes – until even all of my worst mistakes have turned into my greatest successes. So hopefully you have been writing all of this down. But that is only the beginning. Learn it, memorize it, but most importantly – it all is useless until you actually GET UP AND DO IT. Because like the magician – I cannot really teach you, I can only show you. You yourself must do it until you've learned it. "And one final thing," the crows starts to laugh as the professor is suddenly standing on his head and hands walking teetering backwards off the stage and out of the room as the crows applauds, jeers, and giggles – "Never listen to what anyone tells you – especially the people that recommend to you 'good advice.' With this the professor and his voice disappeared from the room and the students cheered and clapped until the mass became a standing ovation. My mind flashed as I wondered how on earth I could copy that video off the computer because I wanted to show it to everyone. Then I realized, it was probably on the internet already.

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